reflection
the past few years have been really hard. school and life kicked my butt. So here are some journal entries from last fall.
Lord God, I know you are still here, but am I? Life right now is really hard for me-- I know my life is easy compared to others', but for me right now it is hard...this twilight zone tinged with whispers of heaven and black buckets of hell oozing between every crack, person, doorway. "Well you're all scared and stiff, a sick stolen gift, and the people you're with, they're all scared stiff.".... had a bizarre weekend-- so life-like in being unpredictable, full of failures, heart breaking disappointment, soul wearying news, gut wrenching nervous fear, pride, indifference, jubilation, highest tops and lowest bottoms, success, sobbing, fun relaxation, dreadful impotence, free goodness, sick sin, new experiences, new frailties, utmost closeness and aloneness, irrational tears, dreadful sleep, surprising strength, tremulous insecure weakness, shameful complaining, selfish living, honest confessions, ominous withholding of that which truly weighs me down the most.
"I'll pirouette upon my grave for in Your path I'll run and hide"
Jesus I give all my burdens, fears,burning desires,
what haunts me night and day,
that awakens and stirs my heart,
fills me with yearning in daydreams and nightmares,
what scares me wit-less and makes my heart soar,
all that looms, pursues, invigorates, fills, frees, and makes me tremble,
makes me thankful sad ecstatic depressed.
All I entrust to Your care as Lord of me and this world,
My despair, loneliness, ecstasy, joys,
my devastation, scars, broken heart, ploys,
disillusionment, doubt, cheer, and rest
my sin, my failure, each endeavor, my best
my family, friends, crushes and foes,
my jealousy, relationships, rages, and woes
this world that dumps and tramples me
turns me inside out,
the brokenness that crushes me
'eternal life!'(trancendence), I shout
through the valleys and sunlit glades, forests dark and deep
through streams of death and endless life my soul you'll ever keep.
through ever present trouble
and satan's constant gloat
I praise You cause You've promised
and will ever be my hope.
Job 19:25-7
"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see Him with my own eyes-- I and not another, how my heart yearns within me!"
Lord God, I know you are still here, but am I? Life right now is really hard for me-- I know my life is easy compared to others', but for me right now it is hard...this twilight zone tinged with whispers of heaven and black buckets of hell oozing between every crack, person, doorway. "Well you're all scared and stiff, a sick stolen gift, and the people you're with, they're all scared stiff.".... had a bizarre weekend-- so life-like in being unpredictable, full of failures, heart breaking disappointment, soul wearying news, gut wrenching nervous fear, pride, indifference, jubilation, highest tops and lowest bottoms, success, sobbing, fun relaxation, dreadful impotence, free goodness, sick sin, new experiences, new frailties, utmost closeness and aloneness, irrational tears, dreadful sleep, surprising strength, tremulous insecure weakness, shameful complaining, selfish living, honest confessions, ominous withholding of that which truly weighs me down the most.
"I'll pirouette upon my grave for in Your path I'll run and hide"
Jesus I give all my burdens, fears,burning desires,
what haunts me night and day,
that awakens and stirs my heart,
fills me with yearning in daydreams and nightmares,
what scares me wit-less and makes my heart soar,
all that looms, pursues, invigorates, fills, frees, and makes me tremble,
makes me thankful sad ecstatic depressed.
All I entrust to Your care as Lord of me and this world,
My despair, loneliness, ecstasy, joys,
my devastation, scars, broken heart, ploys,
disillusionment, doubt, cheer, and rest
my sin, my failure, each endeavor, my best
my family, friends, crushes and foes,
my jealousy, relationships, rages, and woes
this world that dumps and tramples me
turns me inside out,
the brokenness that crushes me
'eternal life!'(trancendence), I shout
through the valleys and sunlit glades, forests dark and deep
through streams of death and endless life my soul you'll ever keep.
through ever present trouble
and satan's constant gloat
I praise You cause You've promised
and will ever be my hope.
Job 19:25-7
"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see Him with my own eyes-- I and not another, how my heart yearns within me!"
posted by marcelle at
6:13 PM
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