feel my weary heart is put to rest

Interesting convo today about faith and Christianity. Me quitting work for Sudan has sparked many great conversations and great surprise and impressions on Christians and non-Christians alike. Seems that outside of my boss who despises me and my actions, me quitting has become quite a testimony and opportunity to proclaim His faithfulness (which is the source of my faith). However, the more I live in this broken human form, the more I see how any goodness I possess, whatsoever, is from and because of Him. Whether it's the ability to stand firm and resist temptation, when my flesh is hell-bent on self-destruction in exchange for fleeting worldly pleasures, or even the ability to TRUST Him and step out in faith, it is ONLY because HE IS FAITHFUL. GOD, HE IS FAITHFUL. He has never left or abandoned me, despite my utter crappiness. I am so unworthy, it is staggering!!! WOE IS ME, I AM UNDONE. Why does He bless me so tremendously, such a CRAP excuse for a follower. I have no idea how to be who He wants me to be. And I do NOT want to get a big head with all the praise I've received lately for my willingness to go on this trip in faith. Cause I am a wreck. God is just overwhelmingly, unjustly, OUTRAGEOUSLY good and generous and forgiving and gracious and merciful. I cannot process how much I do not DESERVE His favor and yet He keeps bestowing it in bucketfullssssssssssssssssssss... I don't even know how to handle it.

My life is hid with Christ on high, with Christ my Saviour and my God