you get what you pay for but I just had no intention of living this way

i lay there silent and still, back flat on my firm mattress, unmoving, feeling wretched, hollow, and afraid. the twilight seemed menacing-- my cheerful walls suddenly blank and hostile, closing in around me-- i lay there longing for the comfortable drone of rain or the playful cries of children-- nothing-- it was if there was nothing in existence but my loneliness, coming to smother me.
then i get up and rise to put back together the pieces of my life