Lord, i'm having trouble seeing the bright side right now, or being passionate

or excited about stuff. my joy is ever bittersweet. and so bitter. and worried and stressful. i feel sad all the time deep down. i feel lonely, so lonely and a little scared. a little like the world is not building up, though yes we are in a cave. but it feels like a very dark, very deep, very permanent, very real cave. like this is the truth, i only thought all along that this world was a half good-half bad place (not in quantity but overall quality). and now i see that it's really moslty bad and sad and mad and dying. and dying and dying and hurting and suffering and dying. sounds way morbid than i feel, but i do feel sad. kinda hollow and disappointed. what a letdown. what a broken world. SOOO much more truly intensely and certainly than i ever previously understood up unitl this point. i knew that we are spiritually broken, but i forgot how very very physically broken and chaotic it all is. feels like the endless sea of pain and sorrow that i covered so long with a blanket of denial and happiness. not that there cannot come a time for this again or that i will live forever in darkness, but nevertheless, the world will never be the same. the universe had a cosmic shift two fridays ago, not even two weeks ago wednesday it hit a breakneck twist and i've been twirling plummeting ever since. nothing looks the same. not that i cant forget and enjoy, but its always there if i let it be. fill me up Lord. restore.