been a long time

Until yesterday haven't posted here in some time. Will passed last May. Ruth still in KC and we go to Hawaii next month. Surreal and terrible. I still burst into tears about once a week on average when I think about him. I lost a friend. Ruth's husband, and it bites. I wonder what he's doing and if he can see us. I know he's with God. But I can't help wishing he was still here. I miss him. Ruth misses him beyond my imagining. I don't really understand it all. The funeral was brutally tragically sad and difficult. Sisters and nephews, brothers, and parents talking about him, his impact, their respect and admiration and love. Ruthy's tears. Deeeeepest sorrow. Lowering him into the ground with flowers, breeze, black heels sinking into the soft earth. Getting to know his family. Sisters crying every time i saw them. Traveling with mom and Emily Ann Ramer. Lynn calling me when i was in Kroger that sad day to tell me he was in a coma then AC calling mom at home with me to say he was gone. 3pm on a friday. Like Jesus. Weeeeeeping. Driving to RP after the craziest thunderstorm to tell Gma in person. "The Holy Spirit will come to Ruth. he comes to you in these times, he really does." She should know. We took her to the pool that night and swam, me, Mom, Gma, also hot tub with 90 yr old:) Deserted, quiet, late Friday night at Richland place, swimming and healing in the post storm stillness of a wet and wind blown night. Lifting up that day and that loved brother/husband/son/friend to God. Gone. Such an empty, hollow, lifted feeling. Surreal, all of it, from diagnosis on. I can't wait to see him again one day.