to cool the fever of my brain

"Their warmth and welcoming and desire to understand shook me to my good-feeling-system and I had to have it." First of all, love this. and i think that's so true that we always know we/things are worse/bigger than we admit to ourselves that we understand. Fred (city church) told a story about a village next to a concentration camp in germany. when the camp was liberated, the officer went to the town, asked the some of the prominent town people "did you really not know what was going on next door?", and took around the camp to show them.when the mayor and wife went home and hung themselves, fred said that if they had had really no clue, they wouldn't have had such guilt, and if they had fully known about it they wouldn't have either (b/c they would have had to do something I suppose). I feel that is so true, like we know we hurt people and are wrong more than we can bear to admit. awareness hurts b/c we're a mess. I'll find it later, but there's this book I'm reading that talks about this. there's no room for feeling either superior or sh*tty b/c we're worse than we know and also forgiven more than we can know. more to come.