deconstructed beats

i lost my flow right around my birthday. like something caught in my gears and sort of spilled me out. there was all this momentum, and then it scrambled and i fell. both internal and external factors contributed, i think. a sort of anti-climactic, got-ahead-of-myself kind of a state, combined with some genuine disappointment and then re-realization of sad truth. i slumped. now it's time to get my groove back. i think it definitely includes some changes in direction. re-focusing, prioritization, then understanding of what matters and what satisfies. inextricably linked, these two. i was rattled, not altogether unhinged, but certainly troubled in a fevered sort of way. ever reflected in my dreams and the fitful manner in which i sleep (or fail to do so). toss, turn, groan. i need cleanse. heal, empty, renew. refresh and begin.

on a detox walk through a glendale park with sidewalk chalk someone wrote in red start over. so i muffle my screams on an oxnard beach full of fevered dreams that scare you sober.

you want to jump and dance but you sat on your hands and lost your only chance. go back to your hometown get your feet on the ground and stop floating around.