death and suffering don't make sense/ want someone to share it with

Nothing is passe in this life. It doesn't matter how many times I see someone die, or how many conversations about goals of care I participate in, it doesn't get easier or softer. I know a man who allowed his wife to make the decision today to go to palliative care. A young man with 4 kids and grandchildren. A man who sobbed and said "she's been there for me through everything." A man who started weeping when his wife nodded yes to the option that involved no pain but no life extending measures. The worst part of all was when her face crumpled into sorrow and she burst out into tears, just after making this crucial decision. I may never forget that face. The face of absolute anguish, all facial muscles drawn downwards into one dramatically overt frown. The face of utter defeat and sadness. The face of realizing she was agreeing to leave her husband and children behind. The bravery and unbelievable grief behind her husband's wet eyes as he stroked her arm and chided her "i'm right here, i won't leave you, just sleep". His reply to the doc "we used to be Catholic, but found there to be too much guilt involved.... things have always been hard..." to the doc's question what keeps them going during these times, silence. I though SHIT, this is not how it's supposed to work. There is nothing right, fair, OK, permissable, understandable, rational, sane, sensible, fathomable about a situation like this. It utterly sucks. It screams injustice, reproach, rebellion, insanity, evil. What the hell is going on in this world? I can never quite forget the reality of this harsh, f-ed up world. I guess it's why I play so hard on my days off. Because the sobering reality could weight your feet to the ocean floor if you let it. The depths of desolation and sorrow on this earth know no end.