love, love, love

1am, feeling anxious and antsy.  the disconnect, the mini-idols, plenteous micro-crushes i constantly establish and hope in, the empty longing.   i know exactly what's wrong.  the fear, the worry, the hunger.  thirsting and yearning after paper versions of that which quenches, that true glory with unmatched weight.  because at least my substitutes are tangible, and they make me feel full for a moment.   failing to take time to be still in the Presence.  neglecting the most precious in favor of fleeting passions.  i am such a fool, but I know not how to recover.  my heart continues down these disappointing paths only to have my hopes dashed and my fears realized.  my understanding is feeble; teach me i pray.  my resolve is weak; lead me i plead.  my heart is so wayward; enthrall me with real beauty.  my eyes are poor; they love what is cheap, hollow.  direct my scattered footsteps into your path of peace.  i do not like what i've become.  i do not know how you forgive.  i need you to enter in.  overwhelm my vast sense of inadequacy. 

Holy Sonnet XIV by John Donne

Batter my heart, three personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captivated and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy:
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.