hanging in the balance

struggle between erik's "the show must go on" and ruth's "one foot in front of the other" with the true need to grieve and mourn and process and realize this  life/world is fleeting and f*cked. such pain and suffering and death and yet "this is life".  i don't want to forget those i've lost or those who are suffering, but if i dwell on these i can't function.  i never feel utterly in the right balance.