winds of change keep on blowing through my hair

it's been highs and lows, nothing static, constant threat
constant suspense, stringing along, WAITING
always coming down to the wire.

a process of being broken
of surrendering
of hanging on Him

clinging
crying
faith: refusal to panic

surreality
trust
joyful in hope and patient in affliction
unrest
help me find rest for my troubled soul

i know i'm supposed to go to Sudan
that's about all i do know

if the wind's of change blow me away from this job
i can't say i'll be unhappy

i'm afraid of the newness and the uncertainty
vast uncertainty in these economic times
i don't want to leave behind everything i know
and have grown to love here

but i trust God
he's doing drastic things with me
i guess i needed it

i guess i was complacent

"i have locked my actions in the grooves of routine, so i may never be free of this apathy"

i never was apathetic about life. perhaps about God, though.
became hedonistic for all the pleasures life has to offer, most of them harmless.
but never have been allowed life to get too static.
smooth sailing goes before the fall i guess.

falling slowly

all that i know moving away from me
piled up in bags and it burns irrevocably
silence crept over me