i'm not angry anymore (not right now)

not at Dre, and not at God. deeply sad, yes. more than anything, deeply sorrowed for the pain and suffering Dre must have been experiencing, to the point that he couldn't even let us in to help him bear those burdens. what unfathomable turmoil and sadness he must have felt! It breaks my heart that someone so talented and compassionate and loved could see no other option for his life. It makes me cry to think of all the things we'll never do together, all the family moments he'll be missing from, all the people he was sure to bless and touch. It feels utterly wrong, unnatural, like a physical tearing away of a part of oneself. But I'm not mad at him. My heart breaks and feels deepest empathy for him. I'm not mad right now at God either. For the first time since Will was diagnosed, I feel God's presence. His comfort. Thanks to a body of believers who have surrounded me with love, support, advice, encouragement, tears, and listening ears, I see His form in a tangible way. And how each has ministered to me differently at different moments. Jung Hee fleshing it out here at home, Ruth cousin expressing her deepest sympathy and continued questions regarding Will, Anna tearing up and saying that God does promise protection therefore my feelings of abandonment are valid, Jack's truthful advice, Anni's heart and encouraging words, Deanna, Christi, Christine, Alyson's listening ears and faces full of compassion, Leon's sharing of his similar sad experience....... E-mails of condolences and prayers... the list goes on. I am surrounded by people who care, and I am truly blessed. Lord be with Char, Missy, Dre's family. Be present in their lives and let me be Your presence in their lives.