my dreams they have a holiday

there is certainly a part of me that is pragmatic
seeks answers
wants an explanation from God for allowing atrocities

but if i'm honest with myself
part of me thrives on mystery
on things which are too deep for me
to fully grasp
but which i delight in trying to ascertain

like poetry or music or art
i like the obscure
the unclear
that which has many interpretations
many possibilities of intended meaning

i like that the artist doesn't have to explain
that the poet conjures up many images
and ideas, not one obvious statement
and the meaning is open to ponder

and so perhaps it's ok if i don't have answers
if my whole life i must wrestle with these questions
must struggle with God
believe Him
yet cry out for Him to help me in my unbelief

no i'll never stop searching
but i can also exult in His beauty
His unfathomable depths
and certain wisdom