to love and to be loved (let's just hope that is enough)

how many ways/times can you affirm gratefulness for one another? Jenny, Anna, JH, and usually Tony (tho Caleb tonight) are my siblings four here in SF. talking with JH. told her I live in perpetual hope. God can do anything. Mr Right could knock on the door or fall from the sky for all I know. Agreed that it would be some anomaly of a unique guy. I keep bringing up the God factor. If I believe he has a plan and is good, then I'm not going to despair. If I'm going to trust him with Will and Dre, and all the guilt, pain, suffering, sorrow, grief that have walked closely with Ruth, Char, the Renos, the Sessons, then I have to be able to trust Him with my future. How can I say one thing and believe another? consistency, accountability, truth. Either he is who he says, or NOT. Either I trust him with the big life/death issues as well as the smaller/superficial things, or not at all. I'm putting all my eggs in this basket; for better or worse, sickness and health, rich or poor, man. I had my days being mad at, questioning, confronting God for all that goes on here on this globe. But I came to this place of "I'm mad at you..... no, I'm sorry, I need you, don't leave me, please don't leave me, don't leave me".... I realize it's all-or-nothing. And I believe it's all. Whether I want to believe or not, whether I like the implications or not, I DO, and that's not going anywhere. And so I trust Him. Not perfectly, not consistently, even, but I trust Him unequivocally. Ultimately (and permanently) He's all I have. And I hope I can learn to believe that He's all I need, as well.