a working day in the life

my half native american turban sweetheart. "better watch holding my hand, my wife is here" ;) total cauliflower bloody oozy disaster of visible growing cancer cells. the worst thing i've ever seen on my favorite patient i've ever had and managing to not get sick or flinch or puke or cry. lots of gross stuff today and forgetting to chart vomit. chest tubes turned, falling on floor, peeing on floor, vomiting in every room, either that or nasal washes and needles galore. environmental engineering and public health globally in africa and china and growing up on an indian reservation. recommending the public health service for indian reservations to me and me knowing we're soulmates;) haha, jk but of a like mind. minus the True Hope. SOOOOOOOOOOOOo many incredible people here but somehow no true root for their lives' purpose/hope. thumbs up i'm brave my family loves me and fight to the end. that's it. no interest whatsoever in the metaphysical realm or what lies beyond. i just can't comprehend it though i am starting to get used to it. that should be my SF motto. there it is.

ssssssoooooooooo weary

of unending needs. how to set boundries. am tired, a little lonely, and much in need of sleep. sad for missing lent service, entropy of the universe and irritated with my fear and control. lack in some too much in others, miserable wretch always. hide in Him.

i confess there appears to be

way more darkness than light
i wanna fall like a pearl to the bottom of the sea
and no one will find us tonight

patty griffin