Made alive with laughter

Saturday, April 29, 2006

THE BEACH and the waves and a bike and SWEET music

music is supreme. i don't know how else to say it. but when there are songs and they hit you, oh man. and on my new bike on great highway watching white waves crash and surfers ride and sand and hills and green ocean deliciousness and high high feelings of music+bike riding. stretching and feeling healthy. because being outside makes me feel it. how else can i relate such exhilaration? how fun how how very fun life can be. thank you God for pretty weather this evening. How amazing.

i stumbled in the ring to pay the rent




















Friday, April 28, 2006

and the glow of a room lit only by twilight and lanterns

i live on the beach. the cute dark hair surfer that looked at me and glanced back a couple more times as i sat in the sand talking to mom of dad and things sad and awry. a cold and pretty, calm and happy/lonely/sad/good friday night on the beach and in my apt. longing and dreaming and thinking. wondering and wishing. cotton pants and mascara for kicks. ambience and imagining.

my feelings are so up and down, and i know i do so much the wrong things
























Wednesday, April 26, 2006

hilarious. wasting time:)

































to LA

So I've been working a lot lately, and last night was my first to really sleep and i'm all fatigued, and when that happens i dream bizzare dreams. Really any time i deep sleep I do. So it was me mom char and melis I think and we were going up to seattle for a trip and though the places that in my dream were supposedly familiar b/c i had been there/ seen them with you when i came up, in reality they were places/things i had never seen before. There was some victorian castle and, well i guess it was seattle in another universe or something. But then you were there and adam and we were having dinner together, and here's where it get's disturbing. We were sitting around a table making dinner over some kind of heating element and what we were cooking was a small live dog!!!! (it wasnt' sobran or maybe) And though i was a bit freaked out, you and adam thought it was like normal. And the dog, i guess puppy was trying to get off the heating element and we had to keep pushing it back on and i was like, "I don't think this is a good idea, it can't be worth it/ or that delicious" and you were silently watching and adam was like, "yes it is, just wait you will love it" and then i think i woke up. And what I do remember is that it wasn't SO startling and horrible in the dream as it is in real life. It was mildly freaky at the time, but disgusting now. Isn't that the way. Well I thought i'd share it with you as an example of how messed up my dreams can be. Didn't stab anyone with knitting needles this time, but nevertheless awful. You had any sick dreams lately? :)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

blah

day 3 is ever a drag. b/c even if not hard, my exhaustion will bungle something.

Monday, April 24, 2006

because every day i get an acute reminder that I LIVE in San Francisco; this is not like anywhere I have ever resided in my life

a few months ago i heard my coworker talking about her female partner. then a little later i hear she's in a big break-up with this person on 9 years; sad, right? so today when she says she's had 6 dates with somebody she really likes (based on the little i know about her last significant other) I assume that "somebody" means another girl . so i inquire about the somebody, careful not assume gender, and she says "i really like him!" she's glowing all day and even talks about sex and i'm a little uncomfortable with this:) But sex is common break room discussion material, and she's not shy or wierded out and neither are the other listeners. Apparently it's as natural as can be to date women sometimes and men other times and be smitten and sexually involved with both. Toto, this is not Kansas! Can we say paradigm shift?

in Southern us culture they're not even over interracial dating, much less homosexuality, MUCH less bisexuality, and here on the west coast anything goes. boggled. less so personally/internally than just by the STARK contrast of my peers from this time and just a year ago.

a skinny chinese papa perry

frickin adorable.
i hope my husband looks like him one day..
and i always knew asians were hot:)