we belong together

elderly.  mel's fb post. our parallel work hardship to God's light.  so much more to process.  so tired.  hard work, adorable room 72, gift bestowing.... i need to be where the old ones are.  i'd rather go to home hospice than another inpt unit.  it's geriatrics/palliative or nothing for me.  that's about ALL i know.   God lead.  this work shake-down is scary.  i want to go to Sudan. am mega-bummed that Al is going to 11.  grrrrrrrrrrrrr nothing makes sense.  everything is shaky ground. you are my solid rock.

idealist healer

no ill intent, only naive idiocy.  i thought i could be honest without being reprimanded.  i hate playing false.  today was hard.  my idealism doesn't work in the real world.  it's pretty disillusioning to see... and it makes sense being such a terrible day after i spent such time in the Word and realigning myself with my Creator yesterday.  the spiritual attack is real. and so even more I press into Him who delivers me from my enemies.  Sad that I would have any, when I believe in respect and honesty.  turns out you have to BS your way through to get anywhere.  It's a shame.  I don't want any part of it.  God teach me how to live with integrity when all the lines are blurred and the distinction only gray.  Help me please you, not my boss.  Help me do what is right.  I can't do it.  It's not in me.

brilliance

and do everything without complaining or arguing

Philippians 2:3 NIV  "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves"

NASB :  "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves"

ERV:  "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."

NLT:  "Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves."

 Worldwide English  "3Do not try to prove you are better than others. Do not be proud of yourselves, but be humble. Think of other people as being better than yourselves."

The Message:  "1-4If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

love, love, love

1am, feeling anxious and antsy.  the disconnect, the mini-idols, plenteous micro-crushes i constantly establish and hope in, the empty longing.   i know exactly what's wrong.  the fear, the worry, the hunger.  thirsting and yearning after paper versions of that which quenches, that true glory with unmatched weight.  because at least my substitutes are tangible, and they make me feel full for a moment.   failing to take time to be still in the Presence.  neglecting the most precious in favor of fleeting passions.  i am such a fool, but I know not how to recover.  my heart continues down these disappointing paths only to have my hopes dashed and my fears realized.  my understanding is feeble; teach me i pray.  my resolve is weak; lead me i plead.  my heart is so wayward; enthrall me with real beauty.  my eyes are poor; they love what is cheap, hollow.  direct my scattered footsteps into your path of peace.  i do not like what i've become.  i do not know how you forgive.  i need you to enter in.  overwhelm my vast sense of inadequacy. 

Holy Sonnet XIV by John Donne

Batter my heart, three personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captivated and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy:
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

hrmmm interesting advice to consider....

"Ah, the chase.... people who like each other and are meant to be together for the long term are not going to be undone by mere procedurals.... Two people who are a good fit are a good fit regardless of who says what first....You are who you are and the dude is who he is and sooner or later you both see the other for what they are...  Gender roles have value sometimes, but sometimes a chick just needs to help a dude out a little and put herself out there first. Shy dudes, quiet dudes, nerdy dudes, modest dudes, culturally conditioned dudes- all of these and more could not be more relieved to have a woman make the first move. It's exhausting, especially for a dude on the introverted end of the spectrum, ...to always be the one who has to stick your neck out... how little the dude can be assured of, how much he feels like he is constantly venturing into the unknown early on ... just be who you are. Make a small, unmistakable and direct move. You'll find out if he's interested soon enough, and it won't have anything to do with the fact that you were the first to speak up about it..."

"I want to go to there"

Thank you Tina Fey.

it's only a season, a passing September that no one will recall

help me go slow i've been hurrying on

So much, all the time.  

Frenetic thoughts.. endless static sea... never a dull moment.   Hibernation mode? I wish.  Silence from some, too much attention from another, missed opportunities to be involved with things I long to be, with people I long to be around...  Too busy, but how to slow it down?  Don't want to waste any time.  Time still in the Presence, centering, is not wasted at all.  Discipline yourself to be godly.