last may to the present with fam in snippets of goodness

the laughter pours from under doors in this house i don't understand that sound no more

so happy that i get tomorrow off!! see friends again, grin
good music is spiritual, deep, reaches the soul-- i love words, love language, english language as it's the only one i know really, but suspect that I love all words/language from the dabbling i've done in finnish, bangla... music as poetry that touches on some of the deepest feelings, needs, longings of the human spirit/soul

awfully fond of you

that is a great girl, surprized still single, surprised hasn't been scooped up by one of the church guys. hahaha. love it. mutual fondness, my buddy. then JH almost says, yeah you better act now while you still have the chance. ahhaaa, she's great to me.

At the center of the world there's a statue of a girl
She is standing near a well with a bucket bare and dry
I went and looked her in the eyes and she turned me into sand
This clumsy form that I despise, it scattered easy in her hand
And came to rest upon a beach, with a million others there
We sat and waited for the sea to stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue, into the horror of the truth
See, we are far less than we knew
Yeah, we are far less than we knew
But we knew what we could taste
Girls found honey to drench our hands, the men cut marble to mark our graves
Said, we'll need something to remind us of
All the sweetness that has passed through us
The priest dressed children for choir
But found no joy in what was sung
The funeral had begun
In the middle of the day when you drive home to your place
From that job that makes you sleep back to the thoughts that keep you awake
Long after night has come to claim any light that still remains
In the corner of the frame that you put around her face
Two pills just weren't enough
The alarm clock's going off, but you're not waking up
This isn't happening, happening, happening, happening, happening
It is

shell-shock lines

grrr back at work sucked ya'll. can i go back to my nashville vacation?? finally saw l and v today after monthsss... but it wasn't a good day for me. crappy.. sooooo tiiiiirrrrreeed. dreamed weird things last night about rollerskating on a small rink with unknown peoples and perhaps also with sibs, pooping cockroaches, and talking about patients at work outside with coworkers. some dirty healthclub type place and lots of people i knew in the dream, but don't know in real life.

Tomorrow when I wake up I'm finding my brother
And I'm making him take me back down to the water
That lake where we sailed and we laughed with our father
I will not desert him, I will not desert him
No matter how I may wish for a coffin so clean
Or these trees to undress all their leaves onto me
I'll put my face in the dirt and then finally I'll see
The sky that has been avoiding me
Well, I started this letter, I'm gonna send it to Ruba
It will be blessed by her eyes on the gulf coast of Florida
With her feet in the sand and one hand on her swimsuit
She'll recite the prayer of my pen
Saying, time take us forward
Relief from this longing
They can land that plane on my heart, I don't care
Just give me November, the warmth of a whisper
In the freezing darkness of my room
But no matter what I would do in attempt to replace
All these pills that I take trying to balance my brain
I see the curious girl with that look on her face
So surprised, she stares out from her display case


And they laugh in a language I don’t understand
But I love them, why do I love them?
The neighborhood's dimming, I smoke on the porch
And watch the people as they pass enclosed inside their cars
On their faces just anger or disappointment
I start wishing there was something I could offer them
A consolation, what could I offer them?
Well, they are sad in their suburbs
Robots water the lawn, and everything they touch gets dusted spotless
So they start to believe they've not touched anything at all
And the cars in the driveway only multiply
They are lost in their houses, I've heard them sing in the shower
Making speeches to their sister on the telephone, saying, You come home
Woman, you come here, don’t stay so far away from me
This weather has me wanting love more tangible
Something I can hold 'cause it’s getting cold
Let's hold up our fists to the flame in the sky
To block out the light that's reaching for our eyes
Because it would blind us, it will blind us
Now I've locked my actions in the grooves of routine
So I may never be free of this apathy
But I wait for a letter that's coming to me
She sends me pictures of the ocean in an envelope
So there still is hope, yes, I can be healed
There is someone looking for what I've concealed
In my secret drawer, in my pockets deep
You will find the reasons that I can’t sleep and you will still want me
But will you still want me?
Come for the week, you can sleep in my bed
And pass through my life like a dream through my head
It will be easy, I'll make it easy
All I have for the moment is a song to pass the time
And a melody to keep me from worrying
Some simple progression to keep my fingers busy
And words that are sure to come back to me, and they will be laughing
My mediocrity