Clipping by MuteMath

Feeling overload
Carrying bottled skies around
I've been drowning all along
Wearing out in a faltered sea
And i give up

Common sense failed again
Meddling in a foreign scene
Foreign dream
Time won't spare another sun
Daring me with another choice another choice

Anymore i don't know who to fight anymore
I don't know what is right anymore anymore

Anymore i don't know how to feel anymore
I don't know what is real anymore anymore

Anymore i don't know who to trust anymore
I don't know what i want anymore anymore

Anymore i don't know who to blame anymore
I don't know what to say anymore anymore

Anymore i don't know what i want anymore
I just don't know anymore

"There's nothing you have done that denies you access to this life."

From City Church today:

When you think that you've lost everything
You find out you can always lose a little more
I'm just goin' down the road feeling bad
Tryin' to get to heaven before they close the door

-Dylan

A moment of conscious triumph makes one feel that after this nothing will really matter; a moment of realized disaster makes one feel that this is the end of everything. But neither feeling is realistic, for neither event is really what it is felt to be. The circumstances of triumph will not last, and the moment of triumph will sooner or later give way to moments of disappointment, strain, frustration, and grief, while the circumstances of disaster will prove to have in them seeds of recovery and new hope...The mature person... knows this and does not forget it."
-J.I. Packer

talk to yourself rather than listen to yourself
a vision that you live by and therein find HOPE

Perhaps nothing is what it seems? Which is a good thing, if you ask me. "I confess there appears to be way more darkness than light" -Patty Griffin


Romans 12:9&12
"Hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good....Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer."


Actively seek out and rub the salve of that hope into your wounds. God's love is bigger than me.

Be patient in suffering. He never promised ease, but that we're not alone.

Persevere in PRAYER-- going to, accessing God

Generously give and extend hospitality to strangers--you write no one off. there is no one that you cannot be blessed through caring for.


My awesome friends are happily and successfully talented at taking my mind off my angst, but a brief convo with Melis tonight had me tearing up. I still want to be perfect. I still want to feel like I have something of myself to stand on. I want to feel like I'm not a piece of crap. But God never promised to fix all my flaws or solve all my problems. He just promised to redeem irrevocably and one day to make everything right. In this waking life I will never be perfect. But I don't have to earn his love. Truth is freedom.


Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit."

Facades are a fire on the skin.

i said my #1 trait is a servant's heart (in the words of tony) as what i'm looking for.
i still stand by it, but mindy's was actually even better: someone who knows they need God, knows that they are very broken. cause someone who sees himself as broken can understand that i am too. and humility accompanies this.