and you're constantly surrounded by that swirling stream of what is and what was

well we all made our predictions but the truth still isn't out. and if you want to see the future then go stare into a cloud

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
"But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.

"It's easy to get sick these days" -marilyn

Iris Dement:

My life, it don't count for nothing.
When I look at this world, I feel so small.
My life, it's only a season:
A passing September that no one will recall.

But I gave joy to my mother.
And I made my lover smile.
And I can give comfort to my friends when they're hurting.
And I can make it seem better for a while.

My life, it's half the way traveled,
And still I have not found my way out of this night.
An' my life, it's tangled in wishes,
And so many things that just never turned out right.

But I gave joy to my mother.
And I made my lover smile.
And I can give comfort to my friends when they're hurting.
And I can make it seem better,
I can make it seem better,
I can make it seem better for a while.

win some, you lose some....

last night, dreamed i was at work and it was today. secret was out. schedule opening up. i could go to sudan....

the smackdown

swirling, frenetic, grounding

The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts.
My head is a carousel of pictures.
The spinning never stops.
I just want someone to walk in front
and I'll follow the leader.
Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush.
Started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs. I almost forgot who I was,
but came to my senses.
Now I'm tryin' to be assertive.
I'm making plans.
Wanna rise to the occasion, yeah
meet all of their demands.
But all I do is just lay in bed
and hide under the covers.
I know I should be brave
but I'm just too afraid of all this change.
And it's too hard to focus through all this doubt.
I keep making these "To Do" lists but nothing gets crossed out.
Working on the record seems pointless now.
When the world ends, who's gonna hear it?
But Im tryin' and take some comfort in written words,
yeah Tim I heard your album and it's better than good.
When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together.
Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by...
all those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting out time.
Remember all those songs and the way we smiled
in those basements made of music.
But now I've got to crawl, to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought.
So when I'm lost in a crowd,
I hope that you'll pick me out.
Oh, how I long to be found.
The grass grew high. I laid down.
Now I wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand.
I have been laying so low
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
But if everything that happens is supposed to be
and it is predetermined, can't change your destiny.
Then I guess I'll just keep moving, someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going

(Bright Eyes, Nothing Gets Crossed Out)

a language learned and forgot, in turn, is studied once again

If I could act like this was my real life and not some cage where I've been placed,
then, I could tell you the truth like I used to and not be afraid of sounding fake.
Now all that anyone is listening for are the mistakes.
In a house, by myself, I hear the ice start to melt and watch rooftops weep for the sunlight.
And I know what must change. F--- my face. F--- my name.
They are brief and false advertisements for a soul I don't have.
Something true I have lacked and spent my whole life trying to make up for.
But I found in a song and in the people I love.
They will lift me up out of darkness.
Now my door stands open. I am inviting everyone in.
We're gonna laugh, we're gonna drink until the morning comes.
That is what we are going to do.

So thank you friends for the time we shared.
My love stays with you like sunlight and air.
Oh how I truly wish I could keep hanging around here
but my joy is covering me. Soon, I will disappear.
It's not a movie, no private screening.
This method acting, well, I call that living.
It's like a fountain, a door has been opened.
We have a problem with no solution but to love and to be loved.
So, I've made peace with the falling leaves.
I see their same fate in my own body.
But I won't be frightened when I am awoken from this dream
and returned to that which gave birth to me.
And the story goes on and on and on and on...

cause it is too hard to belong to someone who is gone

Our love is dead but without limit,
like the surface of the moon
or the land between here and the mountains.
Well, it is not these hiding places
that have kept us innocent
but the way you taught me to just let it all go by.
And so we've learned to be as faithless,
stand behind bulletproof glass,
exchanging our affections through a drawer.
And it was always horribly convenient
and happening too fast.
You should count your change before you're even out the door.
Yes, you should but please

Once too often, I have retreated
into the depths of my despair.
I built a barricade to block you on the road.
But standing there with all of my possessions,
piled higher than a house,
I felt closer to you than you ever would have known.
So let these tiny acts of charity
become common ground of which to build
a monument to commemorate our time

Well, now, I tell myself I've mended
under these patches of blue sky.
There are still a few holes that let in a little rain.
And so it is crying on my shingles.
My floorboards moan under my feet.
The refrigerator is whining, so I've got reason to complain.
But I am not gonna bless you with such compliments,
some degrading psalm of praise,
like the kind that converted you to me so long ago.
Because the truth is that gossip's
as good as gospel in this town.
You can save face but you won't ever save your soul.
And that's a fact