hard but not terrible....

and life is so unbeleivable.

you just want to curse and yell and then you just have to laugh. b/c it's so unreal.

any time I don't leave totally defeated, I call it a good day.

The people i work with make it rock.

If only i could get off work on time and therefore have a life. Working weekends and getting off at 9 every night is worthless for finding a church or making friends. And I regret so much. I always second guess my desicions.

a walk in the park

i think it's earthquake weather

it's our turn, isn't it?
R: "I didn't know SF had thunderstorms. If we were in Nashville, I'd say it was tornado weather... i think it's earthquake weather."

something's coming, skies are purple.... dogs are howling at themselves, days are changing with the weather like a rip tide could rip us away. i push i pull the days grow slow into a void we filled with death and noise....

go beck

new favs

Oh to be again on that hill in finland

yes the one with the clearing at the top, but more so, strangely, the one out in the open, with the old operations tower

it's quaint and scattered

and not that clean, but i like it.

altered sleep

that's not like me. I pride myself in my ability to sleep unconditionally. Most days though lately I wake up stressed. Today it was depressed. It must be the dreary day outside. Thunder and rain. No lightning and no downpour. Just blustery and grumble-y. I love lightning and pourning rain. A good day for coldplay's new album. But I feel sad. Maybe it's the holidays, the disconnectedness of being somewhere new, the funny schedule, a void. Missing my family I'm sure. And close friends. It always takes time to belong.

i love my room

i have incedentally made it unique-- artistic in its disarray, eclectic in colors and theme-- haphazardly pleasing aesthetically-- because it's filled with things i like. I like my taste, what can i say?

It was like, oh my God, God talked to me. I am having this trippy God thing right now."

"Yes. We would eat chocolates and smoke cigarettes and read the Bible, which is the only way to do it, if you ask me. Don , the Bible is so good with chocolate. I always thaought the Bible was more of a salad thing, you know, but it isn't. It is a chocolate thing. We started reading though Matthew, and I thought it was all very interesting, you know. And I found Jesus very disturbing, very straightforward. He wasn't diplomatic, and yet I felt like if I met Him, He would really like me. Don, I can't explain how freeing that was, to realize that if I met Jesus, He would like me... There were people He loved and people He got really mad at, and I kept identifying with the people He loved, which was really good, because they were all the broken people, you know, the kind of people who are tired of life and want to be done with it, or they are desperate people, people who are outcasts or pagans.... I was drunk and high, don. You should be sober when you make important decisions..."

hippies and that's how I want to live

today was so much better

thank you Jesus, sweet victory. Totally chill for a Monday. I had really easy patients considering. I am learning. Thank you Lord.

"you look like the perfect nurse"

the old lady selling me danskos said. "you are healthy and clean, and...." Old hillariousness. Thank you thank you, so glad to know that I've met the healthy and clean prerequisites for a good nurse. I've had lots of people tell me i'd be the perfect nurse, but never for these reasons.