"whatever ails you or presses you, whatever keeps you up at night...

fevers... mirrors: self-examination/reflection, vanity or self-loathing, i know i'm guilty of both..."

The phone slips from a loose grip. Words were missed like some apology. I didn’t want to tell you this no, it’s just some guy she's been hanging out withI don’t know, the past couple of weeks I guess.Thank you and hang up the phone...
But laughter pours from under doors in this house, I don’t understand that sound no more. It seems artificial, like a T.V. set. Well, haligh, haligh, haligh, haligh, This weight it must be satisfied. You offer only one reply you know not what you do. As you tear and tear your hair from roots from that same head you have twice removed now a lock of hair you said would prove our love would never die. Well ha ha ha. I remember everything, the words we spoke on freezing South street. And all those morning watching you get ready for school. You combed your hair inside that mirror the one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears. Something about those bright colors would always make you feel better. But now we speak with ruined tongues and the words we say aren’t meant for anyone. It’s just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance. But there was once you said you hate my suffering and you understood and you’d take care of me. You'd always be there, well where are you now? Haligh, haligh, haligh, haligh the plans were never finalized. But left to hang like yarn and twine dangling before my eyes...
And I sing and sing unlawful things, the pleasure that my sadness brings, as my fingers press onto the strings yet another clumsy chord. Haligh, haligh, an awful lie this weight would now be satisfied, I'm gonna give you only one reply, I know not who I am. But I talk in the mirror to the stranger that appears our conversations are circles, always one-sided, nothing is clear. Except we keep coming back to this meaning that I lack he says the choices were given and now you must live them or just not live, but do you want that?


For a sunrise or a sunset, you're either coming or you just left
But you're always on the way
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet, they are really just the same...
The sunrise and the sunset, go home to your apartment
Put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play


Did you expect it all to stop at the wave of your hand?
Like the sun's just gonna drop if it’s night you demand
Well, in the dark we are just air so the house might dissolve
But once we're gone, who's gonna care if we were ever here at all?
Well, summer's gonna come, it’s gonna cloud our eyes again
There's no need to focus when there's nothing that's worth seeing
So we trade liquor for blood in an attempt to tip the scales
I think you lost what you loved in that mess of details
They seemed so important at the time but now you can’t even recall
Any of the names, faces, or lines, it's more the feeling of it all
Well, winter's gonna end, I’m gonna clean these veins again
So close to dying that I finally can start living
All right


Are your brothels full, Oh Babylon, with merry Middlemen?
Never peer out of their periscopes from those deep opium dens
All this death must need a counterweight always someone born again
First a mother bathes her child then the other way around
The Scales always find a way to level out
I tried to pass for nothing
But my dreams gave me away

working christmas eve night was OK

Low census, less busy. Fun friends/coworkers. "i don't feel like doing an audit; rani can i skip?" not much choice in the matter:) eating and drinking coffee all night to stay awake, singing along with the radio and laughing. that's what night shift should be. well, at least it is once a year. glad to be done with nights for a month! YESSSSSSS feel very grateful for great people to share life with. Talked to JH and Ruth today and got many christmas texts. ready to git on homeeeeeee.. Been watching My Girl (Kdrama of course). circle language with subtitles. so funny. ready to be HOME. dang i miss those bealls!!!!!!

And it's the Sum of Man slouching towards Bethlehem- it breaks

sometimes the profane brings you the closest to truth. haven't felt (this) inspired in awhile. GORGEOUS day running to and on the beach, huge waves, sunshine, birds, and music. bright eyes loving the music so much but the lyrics-- he's so lost and yet so near to God's heart in these honest longings and reflection. wow. i can relate so deeply and rejoice so truly. most genuine smile. i just relate so-- think he touches on some big/real stuff.

never thought of running my feet just led the way

The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
...
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve
Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.

a little bright eyes lyricism for ya

tried to pass for nothing but my dreams gave me away

city church then korean noodle house down the street with friends. laughing. eating noodles from w.yoohee. jenny and leon teaching me to make a chopstick rest from the wrapper- nice. fun and good. napping then onto work. 3 shifts and i'm home. so grateful for great friends. few left in the bay area this weekend, have to stick together said jenny:)