wide contradictions

my width can peacefully encompass them. where do i go from now? i am finally coming to grips, to peace with all that has transpired in my life. i know that what happened was not my fault. but i know that i can take power over my future. where am i with God? with my love? i'm at peace and i'm not ashamed. i know that when i entered into our relationship, i was lost in relationship to God and i was confused in relationship to myself and my guilt. however, the love and connection and goodness and support i have found in him has been unparalleled, and i am so so grateful. i will proceed forward with him into the future, one day at a time. i will admit to people that he is not a believer, because it is something i am ok with. i fell for him. i shouldn't have, i didn't mean to, but i'm glad i did. God can work in mysterious ways, and i am really blessed to have him in my life. now what's done is done and i will proceed. i hope we will always be together, but even if we're not, i don't think i'll connect anymore to the classically conservative christian i thought i wanted before. he has expanded my horizons and i have grown so much.