over it / servant's heart

attribute it to chivalry, politeness, culture, obligation, but clearly not to "a servant's heart". where've you been? clearly now release; thanks TP for reminding me what I'm looking for. and i'm definitely looking for that. i adore and yet am not down with that. i need to see some effort or 881.

i love my elderly patients

my friends make me euphoric in stark contrast to the weight of work pushiness

we've got a problem with no solution but to love and be loved

infidelities.

it's always the story in movies, TV.... makes me nervous.  on the one hand i lament at all my single 30+yr old Christian friends, why don't they open their eyes to what's around them and so on, life is short why waste these years ect, but then I think, man, marriage is permanent and in this consumer, throw away culture, we need everything going for us possible to make it last.  That it pays to be choosy.  How choosy, though? And about what things?   That's the problem.  

"my stage of life right now is I need to get out of this stage of life ;-)"

slow and steady wins the race

ah the topic that's hot on all of our minds....

Revolutionary Road discouraged some:)

to love and to be loved (let's just hope that is enough)

how many ways/times can you affirm gratefulness for one another? Jenny, Anna, JH, and usually Tony (tho Caleb tonight) are my siblings four here in SF. talking with JH. told her I live in perpetual hope. God can do anything. Mr Right could knock on the door or fall from the sky for all I know. Agreed that it would be some anomaly of a unique guy. I keep bringing up the God factor. If I believe he has a plan and is good, then I'm not going to despair. If I'm going to trust him with Will and Dre, and all the guilt, pain, suffering, sorrow, grief that have walked closely with Ruth, Char, the Renos, the Sessons, then I have to be able to trust Him with my future. How can I say one thing and believe another? consistency, accountability, truth. Either he is who he says, or NOT. Either I trust him with the big life/death issues as well as the smaller/superficial things, or not at all. I'm putting all my eggs in this basket; for better or worse, sickness and health, rich or poor, man. I had my days being mad at, questioning, confronting God for all that goes on here on this globe. But I came to this place of "I'm mad at you..... no, I'm sorry, I need you, don't leave me, please don't leave me, don't leave me".... I realize it's all-or-nothing. And I believe it's all. Whether I want to believe or not, whether I like the implications or not, I DO, and that's not going anywhere. And so I trust Him. Not perfectly, not consistently, even, but I trust Him unequivocally. Ultimately (and permanently) He's all I have. And I hope I can learn to believe that He's all I need, as well.

you can try to live in darkness but you will never shake the light

so much, so tired.... saw Thuy Friday and little Atiena. deeply desiring then a baby of my own:) and the husband i need to have first ("so you're traditional like that?").... then that movie which made my friends not want to ever get married, but my thoughts were provoked and I remained optimistic (always). Saturday was flag football ("that was even better than the first time.... if that's even POSSIBLE!!!!"), and then Karaoke, dancing, Phillipino food, makeovers, friends, margaritas, and music at Irmas. Catching up with old lost friends:) discussing with one why me and C are not an item by now... our spiritual/faith differences standing as that roadblock from mutual affection developing into anything more. Serving (food prep) at church and lunch with some newcomers. It was a twist, though I sense a pattern of drifting that makes me sad. A clear realization which left me resolving regarding my feelings for certain amigos. Then contact later that left my resolve weakened though not obliterated. Jh, Jenny, and Anna here for dinner, with Caleb and a flashback to old times:) a good weekend overall. time to focus: be interntional, thoughtful, reflectional. time to learn from and talk to God.